"All people get old, however not all people get wise."
Another Trainer helped me to truly understand that our deepest beliefs, are often more a matter of environment and history than of true learning, self awareness and understanding. Some examples include:
- Why depression era children were so conservative as adults.
- Why Christian children typically become Christian adults.
- Why Taliban children typically become Taliban adults.
- Why Chinese citizens mostly feel that Taiwan is part of China.
- Why abused kids often become abusive adults.
- Why kids raised in Conservative homes see Liberals as wrong.
- Why kids raised in Liberal homes see Conservatives as wrong.
If you disagree with that statement. Imagine yourself as a small child born in these environments and ask yourself if you would have the same ABSOLUTE BELIEFS:
- Born to and raised in an impoverished family in Haiti
- Born to and raised in an incredibly rich and famous family in America
- Born to and raised in a KKK family in the Southern USA
- Born to and raised in a farming family in China
- Born to and raised in a family in Palestine
- Born to and raised in a family in Israel
Now here is the question, are you going to stick with these until you die? Or are you going to seriously ask yourself the following questions:
- What am I missing that the other person or party knows?
- What caused me to feel this strongly about this belief?
- What adjustments should I make in my thinking?
- How do these beliefs and actions resonate with my core principles?
Thoughts?
How full is your cup?
Hidden Bias
10 comments:
My beliefs are my own. My faith is reasoned and my politics are those of a clear-eyed conservative. What my conservative Christian parents gave to me was the ability and desire to think for myself, and pointing out some basic truths that I could verify for myself as time passed. I have.
J. Ewing
So if you were born and raised in an impoversihed Taliban home in Afganistan, you would have the same beliefs regarding Christianity and America?
By the way, I am not trying to pick on you specifically. I just find it a fascinating concept.
I have often thought I was open minded and willing to listen, learn and evaluate. One advantage of being a cold pragmatic Engineer... Only to find out in retrospect that I had subconscious walls that limited my capacity to truly consider other views and beliefs.
Beliefs are often not very fixed. What interests a lot isn't so much why people hold beliefs as it is why people change them.
I don't know, it seems to me that most people's belief structures are pretty stagnant. Though I do agree that stages of life will definitely cause some big shifts within that belief structure. Or some very traumatic / meaningful event like my panic attack and follow up counseling may shift things a bit. I think it is usually within the bounds you developed early in your life.
Though every rule has exceptions, especially when the people really had no strong beliefs to start with... They were searching and finally found home...
However, if you continue to attend the same Church, go to the same restaraunts, talk to the same friends/family, read the same magazines, live in the same town, etc. Filter your inputs in the same way. What would cause a significant belief shift?
Besides, who spends time thinking about why they believe what they believe? Or risks learning they are WRONG by looking for the truth of other people's beliefs. I mean there is work, hobbies, family, etc. Who has the time? What is the value?
I definitely have a strange hobby... Maybe it is a Maslow thing.
You seem to think that there is only one right belief system-- that even though born as I was, I must somehow pick through all the other possibilities. I have the best system for ME, and though I understand other cultures are different, I don't consider any of them better. I don't necessarily consider them worse, either, based on the standards of their culture especially, but often even by mine. One culture I am familiar with, for example, has no particular use for punctuality. But it makes them a lot more stress-free than us American clock-watchers. Not better, not worse, just different.
J. Ewing
No, I think there are many different belief systems. However, I do believe somewhat in the concept of Universal Principles as you can tell by the graphic on the right side of the G2A site.
For example, I believe most people and cultures value Integrity. Now the challenge is that Integrity can mean different beliefs, values, behaviors and actions in different cultures. I am very comfortable with that.
The only time I get frustrated with people's beliefs is if they dehumanize others by labelling and stereo typing. Instead of remembering that "them/they" is actually a bunch of unique individual human beings with hopes, dreams, goals, etc like ourselves. And usually are doing the best they can with what they've got.
A side note, seeing other people as human does not need to make a person weak. For instance, if I have an employee who is not performing adequately. I could fire them understanding and regretting the need to do it. (empathy or open heart) Or I could fire them thinking that "they" are terrible and deserve it.(cold or closed heart) I have chosen the first path. See "Anatomy of Peace" by the Arbinger Institute for more on this concept.
I am happy that you have found a system that works for you. Mine will likely be a work in progress until the day I die...
Habits can be harder to break than beliefs are to change. A lot of people in America do change religions during the course of their lives. But then a lot of people choose a religion not on the basis of what they believe, but on the basis of what they are comfortable with or what's easiest.
People believe things that work for them, that are consistent with their personal interests. Those views can be very hard to change because the underlying interests aren't being changed. To outside observers, this can be quite strange when the interests change or are misunderstood and the beliefs stay the same. But that's the way things often happen.
Perhaps one of the distinguishing characteristics of a "successful" life philosophy, if that is what we are talking about, is that it is based on some fixed/eternal principles. They can be different in different cultures, but you can't just be making them up as you go along. I'm thinking that is why conservative Christians tend to be a lot happier than liberal secularists. A Christian knows what he is supposed to do, knows he will fall short sometimes, and knows he will be forgiven for it. You gotta be happy about that; you know where you stand. The secularist believes that whatever they are doing is right because they are a Good Person, because they do what is right. Unfortunately, that circular moral reasoning doesn't comfort. The human mind can only handle so much contradiction. Ever meet a happy liberal?
J. Ewing
"They can be different in different cultures, but you can't just be making them up as you go along."
Why not? If your fixed principles are making you unhappy, doesn't that at least suggest that they are the wrong principles? Isn't there a value in learning from and responding to experience?
"I'm thinking that is why conservative Christians tend to be a lot happier than liberal secularists."
Is that true or is that just the way they poll? Can someone bound to a fixed set or principles say they are unhappy without raising for themselves the question whether those principles are the right principles for them to adhere to?
"A Christian knows what he is supposed to do, knows he will fall short sometimes, and knows he will be forgiven for it. "
That's something I like about Christianity. It provides a pre-existing rationalization for letting oneself off the hook. Brit Hume in his comments about Tiger Woods even argued that was one of Christianity's biggest selling points, what I thought of at the time as a rather startling example of religious cynicism.
"The secularist believes that whatever they are doing is right because they are a Good Person, because they do what is right."
Nonsense. As a fairly secular person, who likes to think of myself as a good person, I certainly don't think everything I say or do is right. Like anyone else, I believe my opinions are the best opinions to hold, otherwise I wouldn't hold them, but I make no claims to infallibility. Good people are wrong about things all the time. In my personal opinion, lots of better people than I am are wrong about lots of things I am right about.
Here is information that helped me generate and define my Principles. I adopted the Principles, added more Value words and created summaries that resonated with me.
I liked their work because it is based on the views and quotes from most of the major religions. In summary, us humans are pretty similar at the highest level. It is the details where we start to disagree...
TV Principles
TV Golden Rule
TV Why?
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