In your opinion, what should these parents do? How much money should they spend? At what risk to their own financial well being? What should be done about the grand child(ren)? When do the Parents just say no more and break the cycle of co-dependency? Thoughts
Thursday, May 26, 2011
What's a Parent to Do?
As I get older, I occasionally hear stories with a similar theme. They sound something like this:
Seemingly normal Parents work to raise their children "right".
Sometime along the way, things start to go wrong with one of the kids.
Be it permissive behavior, failed relationships, addictions, excessive spending, criminal behavior, etc.
Often this continues on into, or starts in adulthood.
Often these life choices lead to financial hardship for the adult child, and possibly the grand child(ren).
Often the Parents are asked for financial assistance, with a low likelihood that the adult child will change their ways.
In your opinion, what should these parents do? How much money should they spend? At what risk to their own financial well being? What should be done about the grand child(ren)? When do the Parents just say no more and break the cycle of co-dependency? Thoughts
In your opinion, what should these parents do? How much money should they spend? At what risk to their own financial well being? What should be done about the grand child(ren)? When do the Parents just say no more and break the cycle of co-dependency? Thoughts
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3 comments:
My neighbor boy, about the same age as my older son, started down this path during his freshman year in high school, when he first started spending all available time with a girlfriend and then a new peer group. The neighborhood is full teens of doing well in school, sports, and jobs, while he has been through rehab twice and is currently in residential treatment. He is the oldest in a terrific family of very involved parents, very structured home etc, where all siblings are doing very well. He is far behind in credits needed to graduate next year and his parents are reluctant to even have him live at home when his treatment program ends. It's been a bit heartbreaking, even as a supportive observer of the situation. He is only 17 and I keep hoping that treatment/time/ greater maturity will result in his getting his life back on track.
I don't have answers to the difficult question of what's a parent to do. When his presence/behaviors cause major stress/impact to the rest of the family, I understand his parents consideration of asking him to leave when he reaches 18. I call that tough love for all parties involved.
So are there no more opinions or is blogger still having problems?
In my opinion having raised my own children and watched them raise their children the most important role a parent can serve is to always show their children unconditional love. That doesn't mean that you support their bad behavior but rather that you recognize that they must face the consequences of their choices. It is important to stay involved especially when there are grandchildren involved.
It is more important to give them the tools to solve their problems themselves than to give them money without conditions. It is a singular part of the human condition that we learn most effectively through our own experiences. Just my two cents.
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