Power of a Positive NO

Well I have not done a book report lately, so it is about time.

The author selected today is William Ury. He authored or co-authored 3 related books on negotiation that have been very popular and successful over many years. My simple test of a good book, is it still on the shelves of Barnes and Noble after 10+ years.

The first he co-authored with Roger Fisher. It was called "Getting to YES - Negotiating Agreement without Giving In". The second was called "Getting Past NO - Negotiating in Difficult Situations". The third and topic of today is called "The Power of a Positive NO - How to say NO and still get to Yes".

He noted that they wrote the first book to help interested and engaged parties find a better solution. Then people were curious what to do when one of the parties is not interested or engaged in finding a solution, so he wrote the second book. Finally he noted that he had missed one leg of the the three legged stool... How can people be their own advocate by standing up for themselves, saying No, and yet maintain a positive long term relationship in most cases? Here are the Stages and Steps:

Stage 1: Prepare

1. Uncover Your Yes
2. Empower Your No
3. Respect Your Way to Yes

Stage 2: Deliver

1. Express Your Yes
2. Assert Your No
3. Propose a Yes

Stage 3: Follow Through

1. Stay True to Your Yes
2. Underscore Your No
3. Negotiate to Yes

The simplistic formula is YES! --- No. --- YES?

The critical step is actually being aware of, "What are we saying YES! to by saying No." This will give you purpose !!! And empower your No !!! Here are some simple examples:

• You finally understand that you really want to be around with your kids and grandkids when they are older. This gives you the power to say No. to the couch, TV and chips, and yes to some healthier food and activity.
• You determine that you are worthy of and deserve a respectful loving relationship. This gives you the power to say No. when someone treats you in a demeaning way.
• You truly understand that family relationships absolutely need to be developed and nurtured. This empowers you to say No. to cancelling a family activity so that you can work.
• You decide that profit and honoring your Company values are more important than maximizing revenues. This empowers you to say No. to some customers regarding deals that are not aligned with your company's higher goals.

Nowhere in this book does it say that this will be easy. And if a Yes? can not be worked out with the other party, you may need to follow through with some pretty tough pre-planned actions. (ie plan B) However, what is the alternative? Continue sacrificing things that are critical to you in order to make others feel in control or happy....

Definitely worth a read. And he has much more detail and examples. My closing thoughts/questions:

• Are you saying No. for a good Yes! ? Or should you say save your No. for a more important time. (ie especially challenging with my kids...)
• Are you avoiding a confrontation and being walked over because you simply do not know how to say No. ? (ie been there, done that...)
• If you could better answer these questions, would it be worth a few hours to read this book?

Thoughts?

William Ury
Suite 101 Positive No
Leaders Direct Positive No
ADR Positive No