During my research I have found the following method described in different ways. It has shown up in marriage improvement books, self improvement books and business books. Yet it seems hard for people to apply it in everyday discussions. I have come to believe that if this were used more often, many of the conflicts we have would cease to exist.
The challenge is we need to learn how to stop listening to ourselves and planning our response for a period of time, and totally focus on what our spouse, kids, parents, friends, co-worker, supervisor, customer, etc is saying.... Of course, this also means we need to focus on what they are saying, and not what "we think" they are saying. This is challenging for most of us, especially when strong emotions are involved.
Two Steps to Achieving Synergy (Covey)
Would you be willing to search for a solution that is better than what either one of you (us) have proposed?
Would you agree to a simple ground rule: No one can make his or her point until they have restated the other person’s point to his or her satisfaction?
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