To Offer or Not to Offer...

In a world where you could volunteer or "help your neighbor" 24 hours a day 7 days a week, how do you decide when to offer your assistance ? Or more challenging, when to turn down volunteering for a worthy cause ?

This topic arose because while at my parent's lake home this weekend, I very happily kept eating and just watched a neighbor struggle to put in his boat lift. At which point, one of my family members told me that "not offering" to help was not very giving.... (ie not to give2attain'ish) I still didn't help and felt no guilt... Well here are some of my simple questions regarding such:

• Is the person enjoying the challenge and making acceptable progress?
• Do I have some special knowledge or tool that could help them?
• How full is my plate? Is there something less important that can be removed?

In this case, I have watched the gentleman move the lift into position for several years, he seems to enjoy the challenge and is very capable. And though my plate was full of food, the personal balance challenge was that my schedule was "full" of our own Summer lake front prep activities. (ie lifts, boat, jet ski, yard maintenance, etc.) I was on my break...

So with this in mind, I made a conscious decision to just watch. I did not make up stories regarding whether he deserved my help or not, or if I was was right or wrong. I just accepted that I had chosen not to act. (ie no guilt, no anger, no frustration, etc...) So:

• Was I just rationalizing or living by my principles?
• When does helping the neighbor become "meddling"?
• Do good fences make good neighbors?
• How hard is it to accept choosing to not help, without dehumanizing, blaming, etc the other party for our choice?

By the way, this is another topic covered in the "Anatomy of Peace" and "Leadership and Self Deception". Sometimes we choose to not give and that is okay, we do not need to make up stories to justify our behavior. We can just accept that their is only so much of us to go around. And try to help out where we can... Thoughts?