Judging vs Noticing

Now this piece (CNN Stop Shaming the Poor), Laurie's comment (as John so loves to put down people he judges as irresponsible) and my daughter chastising me for commenting on someone's piercings got me thinking... What is the difference between the following terms and how do we determine if someone is noticing or perceiving someone / something, or if they are judging or shaming someone / something?

 

Judging Defined

Noticing Defined

Shaming Defined

Perceiving Defined

 

Here are some examples for consideration, and I'll use myself as the target:

• Me noticing that a girl has a lip ring, so I tease my daughter privately that the girl must have had a "fishing accident"...
• Me noticing that some people have more children than they can afford to care for themselves. (ie fact based since they are receiving welfare, Medicaid, etc)
• Me judging that it is personally irresponsible to have more children than you can afford or are capable of caring for properly. And that this is bad for the children in many cases.
• My perceiving that illegal workers are bad for low income legal citizens because they take jobs and depress wages.
• Other

Now my thought is that "shaming" is a lot like "harassing", it takes 2 parties to make it happen. Party 1 has to do or say something... Party 2 has to interpret that action to have negative intent and internalize something.  Maybe they are ashamed with or without any external input.

 

For instance, if I notice that the person ahead of me is using food stamps. And they see me looking... If that person feels shamed...  Is going to be very dependent upon how they feel about being on food stamps. 

 

Now please remember that I am a very analytical somewhat Libertarian person with few concerns about how people dress, pierce, live, etc, as long as they are willing to accept the responsibility for the natural consequences of those choices:

• if you want to dress goth and be highly pierced, etc. Own your choice and don't complain that an uptight business does not want to hire you.
• if you fail school, talk like a gangsta, dress with saggy pants... Own your choice and the lower income consequences of that life style. (ie unless you become a rap star)
• if you choose to violate the borders of the USA illegally... Own your choice and don't complain if they deport you.

Please remember that many evenings and weekends I look like a grease monkey right out from under a car. My family pressures me to change and clean up before they will be seen with me in public.

 

One issue I do feel strongly about as you know is that being a good Parent requires maturity, self sacrifice, money, self discipline, consistency and some wisdom. So I will not apologize for insisting that being a Parent should be a privilege and not a right. As I often say, society requires auto drivers to afford liability insurance and prove their knowledge / capability. Where as society allows anyone who can physically have sex to have a baby or multiple babies. Which is odd because having a baby raising him/her well is far more important and challenging than driving a car, and far more important for the child(ren) and the future of our country and society.  Thoughts?