Conflict with a Heart

With all this talk of understanding, empathy, peace, feelings, self awareness, etc. I would understand if you thought I must be the biggest liberal "heart on my sleeve" pushover ever. However, I'll let you in on the poorest kept secret:

I thrive on Conflict and Collaboration !!!

I find working with people that believe differently than myself absolutely exhilarating !!! The simplest rationale for this is: "If I work with 19 people that think the same as me, what new ideas are we going to generate and why do we need all 20 of us ???

Why is a "heart" while conflicting and collaborating critical?

• You are holding dialogue or working with people that have wants, needs and feelings. You will lose your ability to listen or be heard if you stop thinking of them as individual people and start thinking of them as objects, groups, obstacles, stereotypes, labels, etc.
• You need to know your real / absolute position in order to get somewhere. An example, you "know" you are standing in the woods North of Brainerd... When you are actually in the woods North of Lutsen... How can you participate in a productive dialogue if you are working with unclear and biased stories? (Do your research and THINK !!!)
• You need to know where you ultimately want to end up. This a broad Principle Based destination, not a specific road map. How can you look for new solutions if you are locked into a turn by turn navigation system?
• You should be looking to win/win the war, not the battle. Often the larger goal is similar and only the path varies, however this can only be seen by striving to understand the other persons priorities, culture, motive and perspective.

It is critical to be empathetic, self aware, principle based and using relatively unbiased stories if you truly want to influence people. (ie influence ---- not railroad...)

Examples of "Conflict with Heart"

• As a Supervisor, you have an employee that for some reason simply is unable to perform per the job expectations. You have worked to understand and resolve the problem with the employee. Unfortunately, you understand it is not going to work out. You fire the employee with full understanding and empathy of the impact on the employee and their family. (ie "No heart" would fire that "lazy, inept, incompetent, thieving, etc" employee with only coldness or angry feelings)
• As a Citizen, you disagree with a public policy and begin working with the policy makers to try and bring about change. You work to understand the concerns and constraints of the public officials and to see if there is a common solution. The other group is still resistant, so you create a new vision and win people to your position. All the time keeping your opponent's concerns in mind so that when the policy is changed, the opponents will feel they were listened to and some of their concerns were addressed. (ie "No heart" would insult belittle stereotype the opponent and purposefully not address the opponent's concerns out of spite.) {very popular in current American politics}
• As a Parent, your 4 year old continually violates a well known household rule. You work to understand the child's perspective. (ie confusing rule, desire to show independence, not getting enough positive attention, etc.) Then you act to clarify or simplify compliance, or enact better punishments to drive discipline. All the time thinking of how to help the child to learn this important lesson. ("No Heart" would keep punishing the "difficult child/ brat", all the time getting more upset or angry...)

Thoughts?